Friday, March 4, 2011

Gangs of San Miguel

This is a personal blog we set up for our trip to San Miguel. Nobody will ever read it, so we felt OK blatantly ripping off the title from this guy, whom people do read. In fact, we're so confident he won't get bent out of shape, we'll also steal the meat of his post, "Top Ten Most Dangerous Things in San Miguel." (If we're wrong, we'll mollify him with tequila.)

Our anonymous blogger wrote the following in response to some over-blown traveler advisory warning panicky gringos away from the placid town....

Danger 10 The Bridge or Road to Mega

If you eat you will eventually have to go to Mega to buy American food staples – balsamic vinegar and Dijon Mustard.
If you go by taxi then you have no danger.
If you walk there, then you are faced with a life and death decision.
Do I walk up the stairs and along the bridge or do I dash across the road when there is a break in the traffic?
It is a choice between a heart attack and being hit by a car?

Danger 9 – Buying Chicken from Pollo Felix on Wednesday

Every Wednesday Pollo Felix sells one and a half chickens for the price of one chicken. The line-ups are huge.
The danger is the half chicken – sometimes you get the wrong part.

Danger 8 – The Wrong Conversation

San Miguel is a bit liberal so you must be very careful when you talk to expats. Most are Democrats and the Republicans haven’t organized themselves as of yet as they can’t seem to find each other.
So never never say you like Fox News. If you do no one will speak to you again.

Danger 7 Walking the Streets

The sidewalks in San Miguel are about one foot wide.
Two people can not pass each other unless one steps into the street. (See Danger 4).
So when walking on the sidewalks you are constantly faced with a showdown between you and the person walking towards you. Either you go on the street or they do?
But the real danger are the telephone poles in the non World Heritage Places. The telephone poles have been buried in the World Heritage parts of San Miguel but in other places you are faced with a death defying situation
Can I squeeze through the space or must I walk on the street?

Danger 6 -Petting Zoos or not

Many tourist believe San Miguel is a giant petting zoo.

These are not petting burros but working burros.
Touch them at your peril.
Danger 5 – Happy Hour Downsides

Every bar and restaurant in San Miguel offers some form ofHappy Hour.
There are several dangers here.
The first one is drunken seniors. Nothing is worse than a drunken granddaddy who thinks he is 21 again.
The second danger is mistaking the children’s play area in Parque Juarez and an exercise area late at night

Danger 4 Topes and Cobblestone

Get in a taxi in a San Miguel and within minute you will hit a taxi and hear your wine bottles rattling the trunk and your head hitting the top of the cab.
Never put your wine bottles in the trunk.
The second danger here are the cobblestones.
They make San Miguel quaint but they are hell to walk on.
Everywhere you look there are fallen seniors all over the roads who have tripped on a cobblestone.

Danger 3 – Mistaking commonly found items for Art

San Miguel is full of artists.
A lot of art is weird.
Using commonly found objects is big here.
So this is either a urinal or an art installation.
Using it inappropriately may lead to severe consequences.

Danger 2 – Choosing the Wrong Bench

If you come to San Miguel, then every day you sit in the Jardin on the Iron Benches for at least 2 hours.
Choose carefully where you sit as other tourists will want to talk to you.
You may experience interesting conversation or two hours of ailments and what is wrong with the world or how much magic your benchmate has experienced in the last day.

Danger 1 – Bienes Raices

Bienes Raices means Real Estate Agents
These evil shops put pictures of house for sale in San Miguel.
Look but never, never go inside because once you do will end up buying a house in 2 days.

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